1382. The Hidden Cost of Being the Person Who Always Helps

Let’s talk about that thing you do—the one where you’re always “the good person.” You know, covering shifts, making coffee runs, organizing the office birthday cards or family get togethers. That sort of thing.

The Seductive Trap of Always Being There

Here’s a mind-fuck for you: Being helpful can actually be selfish. Not because helping others is wrong—it’s not—but because sometimes we help others to avoid dealing with our own shit. To feel needed. To be the hero.

And that’s where things get messy.

The Mathematics of Giving a Fuck

Every time you:

• Cover someone’s shift
• Make that airport run at 5 AM
• Walk the neighbor’s dog or foster a puppy
• volunteer at an event
• donate blood
• and so much more

You’re making a withdrawal from your own emotional bank account. Sometimes that’s fine. Sometimes it’s necessary. But unlike your checking account, you don’t always get a notification when you’re running low.

The Brutal Truth About Being the “Go-To” Person

Here’s what nobody tells you about being reliable: It’s a fast track to becoming irreplaceable in all the wrong ways. You become the human safety net—the person everyone counts on but nobody really sees.

And the real kicker? The moment you stop, you’re the bad guy – it’s the whole “Once I did bad and that I heard ever, twice I did good but that I heard never” quote

When Help Becomes Harm

Let’s break down this mindfuck:

• Your coworker’s “emergency” becomes your regular Tuesday
• That one-time dog walking favor turns into an unspoken obligation
• Your “quick” coffee run becomes everyone’s expected morning ritual

Suddenly, you’re not helping anymore—you’re enabling.

And setting your future self up for potential misery.

Action Items for the Chronically Helpful

1. The Nuclear No Start saying no to new requests. Not “maybe,” not “we’ll see,” but “no.” It’s a complete sentence. Use it. You’re allowed to.
2. The Boundary Audit Write down everything you do for others in a week. Mark each item with: “Hell yes,” “Meh,” or “Fucking draining.” Eliminate the draining ones first.
3. The Help Rotation If something needs doing regularly, create a system where everyone takes turns. Democracy in action, baby.
4. The Expectations Reset Have uncomfortable conversations about what you can and can’t continue doing. Yes, it’ll suck. Do it anyway. You’ve been through worse.

The Art of Sustainable Giving

Here’s the secret: Looking out for others isn’t about being available 24/7. It’s about being present and helpful in ways that don’t drain your soul.

Think of it like airplane oxygen masks—put on yours first. Not because you’re selfish, but because you can’t help worth a damn if you’re passed out.

The Bottom Line

Looking out for others is noble. Burning yourself out isn’t.

Your helpfulness shouldn’t come at the cost of your sanity. Your kindness shouldn’t be someone else’s crutch.

Find that sweet spot between being there for others and being there for yourself. It exists. And when you find it, guard it like a dragon guards gold or Hilary Clinton and her electronics.

Because here’s the truth: The world needs you at your best, not at your most available.

Choose wisely. Help intentionally. And for crying out loud, take care of yourself first.