Most people don’t have a fucking clue what their values are.
They think – they do, but what they’ve actually got is a collection of other people’s expectations, societal programming, and whatever their Instagram feed told them to care about last week.
But the thing is:
until you figure out what genuinely matters to you, you’re just drifting in a river with no oar —following scripts written by people who don’t give a damn about your happiness.
The Values That Actually Move My Needle
After years of cutting through the noise and facing myself honestly, I’ve identified what actually drives me:
Human Connection That Isn’t Fake
Empathy isn’t just feeling sorry for someone. It’s the radical act of stepping into someone else’s reality without judgment. It’s uncomfortable as hell sometimes, but it’s the only way to really understand anyone.
Belonging isn’t about fitting in (that’s conformity in disguise). It’s about creating spaces where people can show up fully human—messy emotions, contradictions, and all—and still be embraced. Both creating these spaces and finding them has become non-negotiable for me.
Growth That Isn’t Just Instagram Quotes
I’m addicted to learning—not for credentials or to sound smart at dinner parties—but because understanding how things work is a high like nothing else.
Growth isn’t comfortable. If you’re comfortable, you’re stagnating. I deliberately seek situations that make me feel like an absolute beginner again.
Wisdom isn’t knowledge. Knowledge is knowing facts; wisdom is understanding what matters. I’ll take the second any day.
Curiosity is my default setting. The moment I stop being curious about something or someone is the moment I stop growing.
The Non-Negotiable Approach
Giving my best all the time with a positive attitude isn’t toxic positivity. It’s about recognizing that half-assing life is a form of self-betrayal. Energy is contagious—you either drain rooms or charge them. I choose to charge them.
Character When No One’s Looking
Integrity means I do what I say I’ll do, even when no one would know the difference.
Honesty isn’t just not lying—it’s refusing to live in denial about my own shortcomings and the reality around me.
Courage isn’t fearlessness—it’s feeling the fear and doing the right thing anyway. It’s speaking up when silence would be easier.
Resilience is knowing I can handle whatever comes, not because I’m special, but because I’ve built the emotional muscles through past failures.
The Foundation That Makes Everything Else Possible
Health isn’t just about looking good naked (though that’s a nice bonus). It’s about having the energy and clarity to show up for what matters.
Peace isn’t the absence of challenges—it’s the presence of perspective. It’s remembering that most of what we stress about won’t matter in five years.
Why This Matters For You Too
Here’s the thing: I’m not listing these values to impress you. I’m sharing them because clarity about what drives you is the difference between a life that feels meaningful and one that just… happens.
Your values won’t look exactly like mine—they shouldn’t. But they should be yours, not borrowed from some self-help book or inherited from what your parents, peers, or anyone else thought success looked like.
The most dangerous thing is thinking you’re living by your values when you’re actually living by someone else’s. That disconnect is the root of most midlife crises and “what the hell am I doing with my life” moments.
So ask yourself: If no one was watching, if no one would ever know, what would still matter to you?
That’s where your values live.
Joe DiAndrea 