1239. Effective Communication: Enhancing Relationships with Emotional Bank Accounts

Just like a regular bank account, every relationship has an emotional bank account where you make deposits and withdrawals through your interactions. Deposits build up trust and goodwill, while withdrawals deplete them.

Relationship Deposits strengthen the emotional connection:

• Complimenting or appreciating the other person
• Offering help when needed
• Being supportive during tough times
• Giving thoughtful gifts
• Actively listening without judgement
• Providing constructive feedback kindly

Relationship Withdrawals strain the relationship:

• Name-calling or harsh criticism
• Not listening or dismissing feelings
• Putting your needs first consistently
• Talking down or ordering instead of requesting
• Breaking promises or letting the other person down

All relationships start at neutral. Through caring actions and interactions, you make deposits building up mutual trust and positivity. Negative interactions deplete this reserve.

At Work
Let’s say a team member is underperforming. You could harshly confront them which would be a major withdrawal. Or you could have a supportive conversation, offering help to get them re-motivated – making a deposit.

One approach deepens negativity while the other builds understanding.

Which would you want if roles were reversed?

Repairing Overdrawn Accounts
If an account is overdrawn due to past hurts and negativity, it requires consistent, positive deposits to get back to a surplus. The deeper the deficit, the longer it takes.

But like a real bank account, neglecting it means rising fees and potential account closure – the relationship may become unsalvageable. Steady small investments can turn around even the highest debt.

We can’t force others to make deposits, but we can control our own behaviors.

Lead with empathy, look for chances to appreciate, and make generous deposits consistently. Before long, you’ll see reciprocal positive investments too – that’s not the point, but it does make our lives easier.